Facing the Unknown: A Journey Through Anxiety, Healing, and Generational Growth

I’ve battled extreme anxiety for as long as I can remember. The unknown has always been scary for me. But through becoming a single mom and building an organization from the ground up, I discovered strength within me I never knew existed. One of my most powerful attributes? My humility to research. I’ve come to love the process—diving deep, uncovering knowledge—but for the longest time, I was too intimidated to act on what I found.

As a child, my actions were always monitored. I lived in my own head, constantly daydreaming, often doing things in a way that didn’t follow exact instructions—I made them my own. That drove my mom crazy. “You’re so stubborn,” she’d say. “Goodness, I can’t teach you anything.” I adore my mom, but now at 37, I’ve learned to set boundaries, recognizing certain narcissistic patterns I needed to distance myself from to grow.

It clicked for me during my divorce. I started working through toxic cycles, and I realized that the patterns I kept attracting had deep roots. If I wanted to be a better mother and a better human, I had to turn and face that window—the one showing where I came from and who I didn’t want to become. Victims of abuse can unconsciously repeat the same behaviors. Nature vs. nurture is real. My anxiety didn’t just happen. It was shaped by the environments I grew up in, the unrealistic expectations from my bio dad, teachers, and society. From a young age, I was taught perfectionism—falling or failing was not an option.

I was clinically diagnosed with chronic anxiety. My head used to spin relentlessly. But I didn’t want my son to grow up having to heal from me. That question became my mission: How can I be better for him? He struggled with anger when he was little, and at the time, I was afraid to discipline him because of my own trauma. But with the help of the village God gave us, I learned.

Healing isn’t linear. Sometimes pain stacks over years—patterns, people, and situations repeat until we finally learn. And it’s usually after the fact that the red flags become clear. Everyone is different, but patterns of toxicity often rhyme.

Traveling changed me. It showed me how capable I am. After nearly a decade of court battles and personal growth, I started to find my voice. The unknown is still scary, but now, 10 out of 10 times, it’s never as bad as my anxious mind makes it seem.

Even now, I don’t do things perfectly. My mom still says, “I wouldn’t do that,” and my bio dad asks, “Are you doing this now?”—as if his judgment holds weight. Those invisible expectations used to crush me. But therapy and inner work helped me realize: the peanut gallery doesn’t matter. What matters is that I create a healthy space, live authentically, and do what works—even if I fall sometimes. That shows humanity. That teaches my son resilience and critical thinking. I have the proof of growth, even if it’s not perfect.

I still live with anxiety, but I no longer take medication for it. I stepped away from “big pharma” while pregnant with my son and haven’t looked back. My son has taught me more about life and love than most adults. At 11, his heart and strength inspire me every day. And I’m honored to be a part of his world, nurturing his unique view, even when it’s different from my own. That’s how we break generational cycles—not by forcing sameness, but by allowing individuality.

We recently did a DNA test, and it’s fascinating to see what’s hereditary and what’s not. Nature matters, but nurture holds immense power. Dialogue about these layers of influence is important, and I plan to keep exploring that.

Today, I write because I’ve noticed the shift in my anxiety. When something goes wrong, my heart may race, but my mind no longer spirals. It says, I’ve got this. One step at a time. That’s progress.

To anyone struggling:Don’t let your family’s judgment stop your growth. Don’t let mountains trigger fear. It’s easier said than done, but it’s possible. One thing my therapist always told me—stop saying “should” or “would.” Say, “I want to.” That language gives you power back.

Don’t give up.Don’t let anxiety define your life.Don’t let even those closest to you plant seeds of doubt in your mind.

We’ve got enough pressure from the world—we don’t need more from within.